Lonely? Find a bobo abeg…

Soooo this topic was inspired by a random comment I saw somewhere.

I saw the comment, read other comments on the same thread and realized something.

Why do a lot of Nigerians people assume that the cure for loneliness is getting romantically involved with someone?

Or is it?

I’ve had so many people whine to me about how lonely they are and how they want a boyfriend or a husband to make them feel loved, so that they can be happy, bla, bla, bla….

Before I go further, let me explain that I think that loneliness is a state of mind.

Let me also clarify that there are different causes or should I say, kinds of loneliness.

For instance, a kid who is new in school and is lonely because he doesn’t have any friends yet or a man who just lost his wife.

But for the purpose of this gist and based on what inspired this post, I’m talking about the kind of loneliness people mean when they say stuff like, “be there forming miss independent. Don’t go and find a man, loneliness will soon kill you”.


So in their heads finding a man = killing the loneliness that was planning to kill you. How was the loneliness going to kill me anyway, choking, strangling, poisoning, stabbing, gunshot?

So how do we know that finding a man a.k.a praying and fasting  to be proposed to and/or accepting the marriage proposal of the next man that tells you, ‘you’re a fine girl o, I want to come and see your father’, – even though your lives are going in different directions and the thought of him even putting his hands around your waist makes you want to jump off 3rd Mainland bridge (okay, i’m exaggerating) – will automatically make loneliness disappear?

In the first place, who says being single (whatever this means today) means you are lonely and crying yourself to sleep?

I honestly see this differently.

Maybe its because I am an introvert or its because I know married women who are incredibly lonely.

I do not think there’s anything wrong with wanting companionship or a boyfriend/girlfriend or a spouse. Its perfectly normal. Heck, I keep dreaming of the babies I will have with Tom Hardy  my future husband. *cough*

But here’s the thing. Are you getting involved or thinking of marrying that person because you don’t want people to think you are dying of loneliness?

Because you are afraid of being alone?

Do you know that the fear of being alone is one of the worst reasons for getting involved with someone?

You’ll become clingy, needy and you’ll begin to suffocate them.

You become a doormat and you allow yourself to be treated poorly.

you people said I should leave him, but at least I have a boyfriend, isn’t better than being alone?”.


You have to take a step back and look within girl, forget what people say, there’s always something to be said. Are you happy with yourself? Do you have peace within? Do you love your own company? Do you think you are lonely because you’ve been told you must be lonely because you are single?


From personal experience, if you don’t feel good about yourself, if you have difficulties accepting yourself, if you have a low sense of self-worth or feelings of restlessness or a troubling within your soul, the world’s best lover won’t make a difference.

If you don’t deal with what’s going on on the inside, you can have the best boyfriend in the world and still feel incredibly lonely and isolated. Trust me I know.

In closing, i’m not in anyway disregarding those out there who are lonely and crave companionship, loneliness is a state of the mind, but the mind is extremely powerful. People have become depressed and even committed suicide because of loneliness.

I’m talking to people, women especially who have to deal with the ‘go and find a man before loneliness kills you‘ comments constantly, facing incredibly pressure and rudeness from the society (and these things mess with your head).

Look within and examine those feelings properly girl. Shalom.

Mountain of Fire.

…before I start, please remember to put Pastor Rick Warren, his wife Kay and their entire family in your prayers. They need our support and prayers…

I think Mountain of Fire is the worst thing that ever happened to my mother.

Since she started attending that church, her anxiety has increased and she’s become more paranoid.

I’ve never seen a church that is so judgemental.

Or so determined to remain under the law and act as if the New Covenant doesn’t fearexist.

And let’s not even talk about the fear! (that’s what I’m talking about today)

They put so much fear in people’s hearts and minds its crazy! Every sunday (and other days) its, witches, wizards, evil forces etc.


Here’s what I think, like most churches they use psychology & mind games on the congregation and their tool is fear.

Fear of witches. Fear of evil men. Fear of ancestral curses. Fear of the unknown.

If people are not afraid, they will not buy your prayer books, attend your programmes to seek ‘deliverance’.

So you see? Its a circle…

(they say ‘sex sells’ but fear really sells too…)

The people who fall for this are like most Nigerian Christians ignorant of what the Bible says and mostly, who they are in Christ.

If you are truly born-again as you claim or pronounce loudly at every given time, then why are you so afraid?

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” 2nd Tim 1:17 (KJV)

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.” 1st John 4:18 (KJV)

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”1st John  4:18 (NIV)

Since man isn’t perfect and capable of loving perfectly (unconditionally) this is obviously referring to God’s love for us.

“And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.” 1st John 4:16 (KJV)


So why then should a pastor spend hours giving so much attention to the devil and putting fear in people when the bible is clear that there is no fear in God. Can you see my point?

A true christian will never use fear for whatever reason, because fear is not of God. Fear is a tool of the devil.

I don’t know how I will make my mother stop attending that church, but I know i have to start with prayer. Plenty of it.

…nothing holds a man back like fear. Its even worse than poverty and illiteracy. Because even if you are educated, if you are bound by fear, how can you take charge of your life, take risks, pursue opportunities, live your dreams or even do God’s work?…

Anyway, I have to stop here for now. I’ll keep you updated…

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 (NKJV).



Beautiful… I just had to reblog this.

Originally posted on Brave Fish:

glass_1467646cYou did it. You broke the glass. It seems that you were in a hurry or you just didn’t look where you were going. It fell to the ground and shattered. Just look at the mess you made.

In bare feet you walk upon the glass. The mess you made. You don’t clean it up. You just can’t do it. So you walk upon the glass in bare feet, and the shards make wounds that bleed.

You might walk upon the glass for seconds. Or minutes, days… or years. On bleeding feet you walk.

Then Jesus comes. He has you sit and rest your broken feet. He kneels and gently pulls out the glass, piece by piece. He washes your feet clean of blood.

Then the Lord then sets you upon your feet again. Restored.

Later, you realize that it was not glass that was broken. It was your heart…

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Sorry I have been absent, I’m the worst blogger in the world… Lol…


Anyhow, I’ve been thinking about a lot of things lately and…..


(here we go, once its time to blog the words disappear)


Anyway, from tomorrow I’ll stop using a Blackberry. Are you laughing? I’m serious o, no more bb (not sure if it’ll be permanent yet…).


The thing is, I’ve overexposed myself a bit too much. I can’t seem to stop talking about myself or saying what’s on my mind, which is crazy because Idomagirl is supposed to be private and mysterious.

Anyhow, since I can’t stop posting, i’ll take the medium away.

I feel like I’ve opened myself up and my privacy has been grossly invaded. This is all my fault.

I also NEED to find out a lot of things about myself. 

“angry. aggressive. harsh. defensive. too serious” 

I owe no one an explanation, but the doubts and voices in my head won’t let me be.

Trying too hard to avoid criticism, but that is the greatest folly of all.

To fear criticism, is to turn away from success. 

Its time to take a step back and ask questions. Deal with my moodiness, bouts of depression, my feelings of anxiety.

Peel back the layers one by one and ask myself some hard questions.

Idomagirl needs to know….

These weeds…

I finally have something to write.

I’m drifting again. Not reading my bible or praying like I should.

The weeds are growing again. I know. The weeds of anger, idle chatter, anxiety….

How can I take them out with my bare hands? I need a blade. A very sharp one.

The Sword of the Spirit. The Word of God.

These weeds need to go.

Originally posted on Brave Fish:

I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. I needed a break. So the other morning I rested, but it wasn’t in bed or on the couch or in the bathtub. Sometimes, at the end of the evening, my five year old son climbs up into my lap just to fall asleep. He doesn’t want anything from me… not to play, not a snack and not a DVD to watch either. He just needs a place that is safe and restful. So this morning I climbed into the arms of the Lord in restful prayer. I just calmed my mind and let my heart and worries rest in God’s grace. I didn’t ask for anything… not guidance, not answers, not even blessings. Just rest. And the Lord let my heart be still and He restored me. Once I was rested and calm He began to speak to my conscience…


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I really like this post. Read & meditate on it. Shalom.

Originally posted on Morning Thought:

Dear friend, don’t let this bad example influence you. Follow only what is good. Remember that those who do good prove that they are God’s children, and those who do evil prove that they do not know God. 3 John 11
I was thinking of how many things encourage us to sin. Just about every TV show, book and magazine pushes us farther from God and nearer to a life of destruction.

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