Soooo this topic was inspired by a random comment I saw somewhere.
I saw the comment, read other comments on the same thread and realized something.
Why do a lot of
Nigerians people assume that the cure for loneliness is getting romantically involved with someone?
Or is it?
I’ve had so many people whine to me about how lonely they are and how they want a boyfriend or a husband to make them feel loved, so that they can be happy, bla, bla, bla….
Before I go further, let me explain that I think that loneliness is a state of mind.
Let me also clarify that there are different causes or should I say, kinds of loneliness.
For instance, a kid who is new in school and is lonely because he doesn’t have any friends yet or a man who just lost his wife.
But for the purpose of this gist and based on what inspired this post, I’m talking about the kind of loneliness people mean when they say stuff like, “be there forming miss independent. Don’t go and find a man, loneliness will soon kill you”.
So in their heads finding a man = killing the loneliness that was planning to kill you. How was the loneliness going to kill me anyway, choking, strangling, poisoning, stabbing, gunshot?
So how do we know that finding a man a.k.a praying and fasting to be proposed to and/or accepting the marriage proposal of the next man that tells you, ‘you’re a fine girl o, I want to come and see your father’, – even though your lives are going in different directions and the thought of him even putting his hands around your waist makes you want to jump off 3rd Mainland bridge (okay, i’m exaggerating) – will automatically make loneliness disappear?
In the first place, who says being single (whatever this means today) means you are lonely and crying yourself to sleep?
I honestly see this differently.
Maybe its because I am an introvert or its because I know married women who are incredibly lonely.
I do not think there’s anything wrong with wanting companionship or a boyfriend/girlfriend or a spouse. Its perfectly normal. Heck, I keep dreaming of the babies I will have with
Tom Hardy my future husband. *cough*
But here’s the thing. Are you getting involved or thinking of marrying that person because you don’t want people to think you are dying of loneliness?
Because you are afraid of being alone?
Do you know that the fear of being alone is one of the worst reasons for getting involved with someone?
You’ll become clingy, needy and you’ll begin to suffocate them.
You become a doormat and you allow yourself to be treated poorly.
“you people said I should leave him, but at least I have a boyfriend, isn’t better than being alone?”.
You have to take a step back and look within girl, forget what people say, there’s always something to be said. Are you happy with yourself? Do you have peace within? Do you love your own company? Do you think you are lonely because you’ve been told you must be lonely because you are single?
From personal experience, if you don’t feel good about yourself, if you have difficulties accepting yourself, if you have a low sense of self-worth or feelings of restlessness or a troubling within your soul, the world’s best lover won’t make a difference.
If you don’t deal with what’s going on on the inside, you can have the best boyfriend in the world and still feel incredibly lonely and isolated. Trust me I know.
In closing, i’m not in anyway disregarding those out there who are lonely and crave companionship, loneliness is a state of the mind, but the mind is extremely powerful. People have become depressed and even committed suicide because of loneliness.
I’m talking to people, women especially who have to deal with the ‘go and find a man before loneliness kills you‘ comments constantly, facing incredibly pressure and rudeness from the society (and these things mess with your head).
Look within and examine those feelings properly girl. Shalom.